I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
