1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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