she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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