ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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