Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
