nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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