At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
