Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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