I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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