do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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