PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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