I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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