I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
