tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
