3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
