I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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