he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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