did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
