yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
