Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
