yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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