tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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