You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
