dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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