so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
