So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
handjob tips. give me some.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
