just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
