Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
