I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
