My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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