Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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