ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
