is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
