My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
