Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
