I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
