I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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