i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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