Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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