I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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