if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
