This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
