I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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