Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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