"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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