"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
