He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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