Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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