threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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