how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
