Sry I called you an 8
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
