I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize