my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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