I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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