just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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