In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
