...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
